August 30, 2014

Lost in thoughts

I was wondering if i really should write a post like this. But i should. Today i have made some heavy thinking:) Let me tell you how my day went.
Of course i got new make up i told you about a day before, here it is:

It's just awesome. I have tried some eye shadows and they really do a revolution!:) Just a moment later and i'm all set up and i see that's already 2 p.m. Me and my family went today to celebrate my "Future father in law" 's fiftieth birthday.Of course i was so nervous because of all my anxiety of going away from my home, but than when we actually came at the party, all of my tension disappeared. I was asking myself the same question as i ask myself the last six months: why? 
Suddenly i realized this was my environment, people i know and people who make me feel good and loved. Why should i really run away from those moments? I felt nothing. Not a bit stress, nor any tension and all of my thoughts running all over my head. Why, because they love me as i am? Because i don't have to prove myself? Or because it really is all in our head? The truth is the real self of mine is so complicated, but still...The truth is i'm still young, still trying to figure it all out. I need that tension to help me organize my thoughts (even if it really isn't THAT helpful) and to reorganize my life.
Now is the right time to choose who my loved ones are, with who i need to spend more time with, what is and must be important in my life and who/what are the people/things that don't need my attention anymore. I need to make those decisions to start living free again. (Do i sound like a grown-up?) Then, i will be happy again. Then i will not worry (so much) anymore.

With this post i wanted to expose that i do have bad day, days full of fears, when i'm in doubt etc. I need to write about those kind of feelings too and share the good and bad in my life. At the end, we should be honest with others, right?:)

ps. This photo was taken at the party. This dog is adorable + sooo,sooo,sooo hyperactive! I really had a good time. I should do this more often.

So this is my rule (at least for this week): 

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” -J.L.


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