December 9, 2014

Diary of an anxious lady

Today I'm starting a new column named Diary of an anxious lady. I wanted to share some thoughts how anxiety feels and how to beat it if you can. I'm going to post frequently, where all of the events are real, and so are the characters. I changed their names and some circumstances. The main character in this diary is called Pelin, a girl with dark black hair, a perfectionist with an anxiety disorder. Her other half is Marcel, a boy with a lot on his mind, but carrying an endless love in his heart. 
With this diary I hope to approach anxiety as an state in a lot of people's life. Here's my first post.

                                                                                                                                December 6th. Pelin
Oh god, we're going on the road again. Terrible feeling. I can't breathe. My stomach is starting to hurt. It's happening again. Okay, breathe, breathe. Doesn't help. I feel a bit relaxed since my parents are going too. If something happens to me, they will be there for me. But I don't know any hospital in that city. What are the doctors like? Don't worry, you won't need them anyway. But what if...
I'll vomit right now. But I can't, otherwise my stomach will hurt twice more and I won't eat a thing. Half way there I'm trying to get some sleep, but I can't. When I close my eyes my demons wake up. That's what I call my thoughts. I wish I could lock them in a closed and throw them away for life. But I don't know how to to that. Marcel holds my hand all the way. But he also doesn't understand. They tell me it's all in my head and I know it, but I can't help myself. When we arrive to my grandmother's, I fell like I won't eat a single bite. I just want to rest. The house if full of people, celebrating a birthday. Well, thanks to that I don't think so much about my non existing problems. At the end of the day I'm feeling a bit better, but I know tomorrow we're on the road going back home again. God, I feel a pain in my stomach again. It hurts so much that I fall asleep.


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